Why Can't We Be Friends With Benefits?

Do you sometimes feel like you're beating your head against a wall trying to get even the ATTENTION you deserve with your man - much less the COMMITMENT you truly want? And that no matter what you do or say, it somehow ends up pushing him away even more? 

  

A relationship consultant, Rori said to me: I know what that frustration and pain is like - it was the way I used to go through my relationships, one after the other.  It was like an endless pattern of intense chemistry at the beginning, and then he'd always sort of "drift away" and I'd be heartbroken.

I know now that it doesn't have to be that way for you.   You can shift this awful situation round completely - so YOU feel powerful, and his love starts flowing TO you, instead of AWAY from you.

Rori shared the secret of how she got around the cycle of rejections and despondency with me. Below are some of her tips that you can use, my comments are in red:

In her words;

1. I got busy doing activities that I am passionate about (i.e. yoga classes) and making new friends – I’m guessing your passion isn’t yoga, but it could be going for dance lessons (I could recommend you to a few places), learning the piano or starting a poultry farm.

2. I put down the oars in my relationship and leaned back – I’ve heard some of my girlfriends complain that their men complain that they behave like the men in the relationship. You don’t want to be so aggressive that your man begins to feel threatened. As my brother says sometimes, “a woman should let her man cheat her sometimes and vice versa – that’s what I call, compromise.”

3. I use only feeling messages to communicate with my relationship man (it took some practice, but it is getting easier) –try not to leave all the blame at his doorstep all the time. Tell him you feel hurt when he fails to keep a promise instead of telling him that he is insensitive to your needs. Also learn and adopt his love language but be ‘coded’ about how you show it.

4. I started dating other men casually and let my relationship man know ("my goal is to be in a relationship that is moving towards marriage, so I am not looking to be anyone's girlfriend... we can still see each other) – this works too! **winks**

5. I stopped driving to him... he has to come to me – obviously.

6. Finally, I stopped going to the last minute "meet me in my office, I got an hour" dates! I told him that he would have to schedule a date with me at least 48 hours in advance. – This is a must.

And the result?

"The most amazing thing has happened... when I first started this process I was totally focused on him... he was everything to me... he was the prize for me to win!! Well, 6 weeks later, I am focused on me and my life... I noticed yesterday that I am hardly thinking about him anymore and I am starting to not want him anymore...

"He has gone from calling me 1-2 times per week to calling me 1-2 times per day. Plus he sends me text messages every day. He finally stopped asking me to "stop by his office" and started planning nice romantic evenings that he sets up several days ahead. I can feel him moving closer to me, where before he was always moving away!”

 

There you have it! Get real girlfriend, if you're in love with a man who is SO HARD to pin down, who is "afraid" of commitment, and seems to always want YOU to do the work in the relationship,   let him understand by your actions – not words that you are priceless. If a man isn't sure what he wants from you or with you, why should he have ALL of you to himself while he's figuring things out?

xoxo

abydarl